we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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