I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
