You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
