if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
