If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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