you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
