remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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