I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Blood and glitter go together right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
