I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
