i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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