If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dick very happy bro
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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