You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
