Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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