Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
