i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
