Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
