Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
