i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
