He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
