Don't make out with my wife yet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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