So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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