You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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