I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
