So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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