Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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