also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
