A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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