Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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