We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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