Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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