I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
