I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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