Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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