I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
