i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
