Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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