im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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