is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
