Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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