why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
