Will you blow on my dice?
"it" just moved
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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