When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's official drugs can't kill me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
