end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
