i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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