You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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