I think I am morally bankrupt
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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