you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
