2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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