you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
