I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
