There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hippo gnu deer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
