Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
