if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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