Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
