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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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