Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
