I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
