just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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