I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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